Do you feel seen, heard, appreciated, loved and wanted by your partner? Maybe more importantly, does your partner feel those things from you? Are you wanting/asking for behavior from your partner that you’re not exhibiting yourself?
I know I’ve quoted Man in the Mirror before, and there’s a reason for that. Look at yourself now, and make a change (or changes). “Gonna make a difference . . . If you want to make the world a better place, look at yourself . . .” Even if your changed behavior doesn’t change your partner or your relationship, you have changed for the better--and that’s for you to keep. And it's possible that your partner will notice the change(s) in you and respond accordingly.
When you were first dating, you were unconsciously ‘selling’ to win him/her over. You still have those behaviors/ motivations/capabilities inside you. Maybe, like so many people, you thought once a commitment was made, you’re off the hook for showing up with your best self.
Bringing your best self to everything you do in your life enhances YOU, if not those around you.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my husband; how lucky I am to have him, and how he really gets me. He shows me each and every day how much I mean to him, how important I am to him. I do the same. And yet, I can do more to show him how much I value him and our relationship. He’s in a lot of lumbar pain (a big part of why he retired when he did). For example. I set out a camping chair so he could hang out and talk with me while I raked part of our backyard. Yesterday I was on a podcast, talking about my new book, I Do, I Don’t: How to build a better marriage. It went really well, and my husband told me how proud of me he is, while embracing me. Words of affirmation and touch are top love languages for me.
I know you’re crazy busy with work, kids, aging parents, etc. and you can just be in ‘go mode’. I’ll set out this challenge for you: Being emotionally intimate (into-me-you-see) with one another will give you a lift that carries through to the rest of your life.
Let me know how it’s going.