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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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The first few seconds after awakening; before I remember the virus

Uploaded: Mar 27, 2020
In the first few seconds after awakening, I am taking in the morning. The sun shining. My dog's little noises. My breath. Stretching and rolling my shoulders.

Then the current reality of this pandemic comes zooming into consciousness again.

It reminds me of grieving. Again, waking, and having those seconds of my previous normal. Then suddenly remembering my loved one has died (my daughter, several miscarriages, several deaths in a five-year period, my mother-in-law, Natalie, who is the mom of my heart).

We are creating a new normal right now. All of us. I want to encourage you to create or enhance a new normal with your beloved. I want to challenge you to love each other unconditionally. What does that even mean?

This might be an odd comparison, but think of dog love. My dog, Bixby, is always happy to see me. He always welcomes me when I get home with enthusiasm and exuberance (not that we're going anywhere right now other than food shopping or to the pharmacy). He shows his affection freely and often. He snuggles with me a lot (he's small, so he's a lap dog). If I accidentally step on his little foot, he yelps a bit and I apologize and check to be sure he's okay. He doesn't hold it against me. He's over it before I am! He's loyal. He's happy and excited to do things together. Doing everything together would be fine with him (and as adults that might not be your thing).

When you treat each other well, you will feel better, despite what's going on outside your doors. When you are in the moment together, you are fine. You are healthy and content. Happy even. Small moments of breathing, slowing down, making eye contact, having belly-to-belly hugs.

All of this creates a safe emotional environment for you two, and for your family. It creates a secure roof over the heads of your kids. You are resilient. Remember that. And even more so when you're resilient together.

Inhale, exhale. Repeat. Think of dogs.
We need your support now more than ever. Can we count on you?

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