Tax Day a’-cometh.
I don’t have to pay this year though. I own my own business, and so does the president, and since he doesn’t pay, I’ll assume me either …yippee! Tax Relief-in-Chief. Taxes are for stupid people anyways.
I’ve been imagining what to get with the extra moola. Something totally wasteful and gold-plated feels right. Google “most expensive foods in the world” and you get options like Italian White Truffles for $160K, Caviar for $25,000, Yubari Melons for $22,872, or a Wagyu Steak for $2,800.
But I’m thinking maybe champagne … you know I love the bubbly. I see a bottle of Moet & Chandon Dom Perignon 1961 online for only $4,309.
We learned how to open the bottle with gusto this week at Total Wine and More, a new adult beverage super store in Mountain View, complete with an aisle of Chardonnay-Only, an Under $3, $4 and $5 aisle, and a big tasting bar with gals dancing a-top.
Well ok, no women were dancing on top of the bar, but some of us were seriously thinking about it.
It’s Big Bev for sure over there – the most alcohol I have ever seen in one place. But with a contemporary, exploratory feel – artisan producers, creative mixers, micro brews. They had to kick me out of the cigar room – what a smell.
And we learned how to saber champagne – the true way to open in celebration. “1-2-3-4-5-6; all champagne cages open in six turns,” says the cute French teacher. “Then take your champagne sword with a heavy blade - not too sharp. Find the seal on the neck of the bottle; that’s your point of contact.”
WACK!
The cork flies off in the glass top, but with no shards because of the heavy glass needed to hold in champagne.
Another wine aficionado walks by and says I shouldn’t be drinking champagne in a champagne glass because it “murders the bubbles.”
What, aren’t they designed for this?
“Oh no.” he replies, “We now know that shape of glass shoves out bubbles.”
Golly, who can keep up with the changes? Garcon, another bottle please. Put it on my tax tab and send it to the White House. He’ll know why.
Total Wine and More
1010 N Rengstorff Ave, Mountain View
