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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

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Seven Months Since Mom Died

Uploaded: Sep 1, 2015
I really miss mom. I find myself talking to her sometimes; telling her how much I love her. I've been planting a succulent garden and growing tomatoes. I know she would be glad as she always offered to help me with gardening. So I find myself enjoying it just a bit more, thinking of the satisfaction it would bring to her, too.

My grief has been surprising to me. I thought I would cry a lot (as I have with previous deaths). But I haven't. Maybe because this is uncomplicated grief: I love her, she loves me. Period. No unfinished business. Nothing left unsaid

Grief can show up in many ways besides emotional outpouring. I've become absent-minded (this is a form of grief I've had before). I had to use the "find my phone "function, only to discover it was on the charger after I had searched everywhere. If something is not written in my calendar, it's not happening ? and I sometimes still miss it. It's rather distressing, as I'm usually organized, efficient, and on top of things.

The one place I am completely "on track" is with my clients. Everything else falls away, and I am completely focused and present with them. It feels good to be in the healing, therapeutic mode with others.

I miss mom, I am kind to myself about being absent-minded, and recognize my grief and humanity in this part of my own journey, and I give my undivided attention to my clients in the room.

Mom would be proud of me.

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