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There has been a great outrage and shock for people to see the video of Ray Rice slugging his then fiancé, now wife. We heard about it, but actually seeing it has been powerful to many people, changing their perspectives.

We see so much violence and destruction on TV and movies that we know is not real, and so it can be hard to imagine domestic violence.

Domestic violence happens everywhere, in every ethnicity, in every class. Men hit women and women hit men. Children are harmed.

People need help. Here’s a list by county from Nextdoor Solutions where they can get it.

There is a very good, thorough article by Allison Bressler about the cycle and progression of spousal abuse in called “Love and Murder in Suburbia: A True Story” in the September/October 2014 issue of Scientific American Mind. You will need to buy or have a subscription to read the whole article.

The abuse and murder took place in an upscale suburban area. “No amount of wealth or privilege could protect her . . . the upscale town in which she lived made her situation particularly problematic,” writes Bressler.

One detail: one in four women aged 18 to 49 and one in seven men have at some point experienced severe violence (by their partner), according to a 2010 survey by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control.

About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple,...