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By Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)

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"What Did You Do?"

Uploaded: Oct 28, 2013

On a recent warm fall afternoon, I notice a man riding his bike with a huge mixed bouquet of flowers in his basket. I watch as he turns north from Willow onto Middlefield, curious about who they are for (or had someone given them to him)? I wonder how often he brings flowers home, and how they are received? Is this an occasion? Are friends coming for dinner? Was it an impulse buy?

I remember the story my husband once told me of buying flowers at the grocery store. When he got to the check stand, the cashier asked him, "What did you do?" The implication was that he had done something wrong, and that was why he was buying flowers ? as atonement for a blunder of some sort.

Whenever I tell this story, people want to know, was the cashier a man? No, it was a woman.

Who buys flowers in your couple? When, and how come?

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Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Mountain View Online blogger,
on Oct 30, 2013 at 8:28 am
Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Brene Brown writes and gives TED talks about vulnerability and shame. In "Daring Greatly" there's a powerful section in which a man challenges her for researching women and not men. He essentially says that he thinks women would rather have men die on that white horse than fall off. Maybe it would be vulnerable to give a man flowers. Maybe it would be vulnerable as a man to get flowers. Maybe he would not like to get flowers. Maybe he would. Who knows? My experience is that many women are crying out for her man to be emotionally present with her. And yet, how and when would we like our manly man to be emotional? Do women know? Do men?

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