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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

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Time Change

Uploaded: Mar 7, 2014
We're getting an extra hour of daylight, starting on Sunday. I do not want you to work for another hour a day. I want you to spend time with your beloved (without devices). Go for a walk or bike ride, have a meal together, play cards or a game, listen to music, sit on the couch and cuddle, have sex, bake cookies., go to the beach, hold hands, talk, share . . . whatever makes you feel connected.

We all need love and secure attachment. We're biologically wired for it. Make time for it. Sure, something else won't get done. But something else won't get done anyway.

Please don't let your relationship drift away, relegated to the bottom of your priority list. The world will not come to an end while you care for yourself and one another.

It might feel strange at first to s l o w d o w n. You might have thoughts or feelings that are unsettling. It's okay, feelings are like road signs – they are there to let us know there's something we need to attend to. We don't park our car under the "Yield" sign; that will cause a crash. Once we address the feeling, it too shall pass.

Enjoy your time together. When you're 85 or so, you won't look back on your life with the regret that you missed out on one another.

Comments

Posted by not, a resident of Midtown,
on Mar 7, 2014 at 4:48 pm

No we are not getting an extra hour of daylight. We are just moving one hour from the morning to the evening. Right now, sunrise is 6:30am. When that gets moved to 7:30am, people with early jobs or classes are going to be commuting in the dark.


Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Mountain View Online blogger,
on Mar 7, 2014 at 5:46 pm

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Not, I do understand the workings of daylight savings time. Yet you miss my point about spending quality time with your beloved.

It is often easier to correct someone than to listen for the message she is sharing. I hope you are not missing the desire of your mate to be close without being corrected.


Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Mountain View Online blogger,
on Mar 10, 2014 at 9:19 am

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Here's another take:
Not, when a point is corrected that leaves out the rest of what I was saying, I feel unheard and frustrated. I wish you had said something that recognized what I wrote (about spending quality time together) and that you showed empathy (such as, "I'm glad you took the time to write out your thoughts to share with others."). I wish you had asked me a question as to whether I understand daylight savings time; that would help me to feel you care and are interested in my mind, and in having a discussion.

So I will ask you this question: We've seen the IMPACT of what you said to me; what was your INTENTION?

(Often a person's intention is not received as the sender meant. The impact on the receiver is different than the intention. Once this is clarified, a useful discussion may be had.)


Posted by more light later better, a resident of East Palo Alto,
on Mar 12, 2014 at 11:33 am

More people do more things after 5pm...like school kids playing sports and 9-5 workers exercising. So having it be light out around 6pm makes more sense than having it light out at 6am.

This country is fat, and having the time changed such that we have light later in the day facilitates a greater number of people getting out an moving.


Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Mountain View Online blogger,
on Mar 12, 2014 at 8:27 pm

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Yes, that is what I was trying to say about later light :-)
Maybe this can be alone time, partner time, family time -- just not more work!!


Posted by CrescentParkAnon., a resident of Crescent Park,
on Mar 12, 2014 at 8:45 pm

I don't like the time change. and I wish we would all just settle on one or the other system and stick with it. You go along and you get a sense of what time it is by the Sun, sky and even Moon, and then the time changes and in the morning when the sun used to be coming up at 6:30 ... now it comes up at 7:30. It disconnects us from nature and the things going on around us, presumably to let some people one a certain schedule enjoy more sunlight at the end of the day. I never liked it and never saw the need for it.

I'd rather companies just change their hours or something.


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