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Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

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You Change!

Uploaded: Feb 24, 2014
"This relationship is a mess, and I want you to change."

Now look in the mirror and repeat the above statement.

Ouch!

No matter how much we wish we had control over her behaviors, actions, and feelings, we don't. We can not change him.

It's really annoying, isn't it? Because if s/he would just do things my way, we would not be having these issues.

Truth is, we can change. We can learn about how our brain works in relationship, and help it work better for us. Truth is, we have to do the work.

I see change every day. It gladdens my heart. It does not just happen, though.

Change comes from deciding to be vulnerable; by being the first to step forward and interact differently with our partner.

"This relationship has a few issues. I am glad we're in it together, though. I will change to have a healthier, happier life with you."

Now look in the mirror and repeat the above statement.

Look in the mirror: there's the one you can influence.

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